I could never be too much

Not today. Not yesterday. Not in the future.

It is Sunday, the 24th of May and for the first time ever, I went solo to see a movie at the cinema. I had initially planned to go with April yesterday but I ended up sleeping the whole day and in the spirit of learning spontaneity I decided to go alone this evening.

I chose to see Call of My Life and as someone who has been told quite often that she could be too much, it was just what I needed. If you’re yet to watch and you don’t like spoilers, I’d suggest you stop reading here.

I also want to say upfront. I am not a deep movie analyst. I watched this solely for the fun of it, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The movie centers around a young, quirky woman named Soluchi who works in a call center and was dating a guy named Kalu. She was utterly in love with him and wanted to celebrate their love at every opportunity but Kalu found her childish. He breaks things off after telling his mum he doesn’t see himself marrying her, that she’s too much and that all she cares about is love. Her heart is broken. She ends up crying on the phone to a customer and gets fired.

Without narrating the full story, she meets someone new, and then tries to water down the parts of her that make her Soluchi. But he is someone who is utterly happy to indulge in every single thing she wants to do. Someone who enjoys her wit and speaks the fluent sarcasm she loves. Who buys her the childish popsicles she wants and writes her poetry.

But beyond just doing things for her, he is someone who appreciates everything she is. Someone who enjoyed that she wanted to celebrate anniversaries monthly, who was okay to get ice cream after a session of swinging, who found her quirky dress sense charming and loved Johnny Drille simply because she loved Johnny Drille. He was someone who never made her feel like money was all he needed to provide and was okay to receive love in the language she was able to speak, and loved loving her in her own preferred love language.

The lovergirl in me was delighted!

I don’t know why I’m writing this. But I do know that moving on, I’ll try to be myself as much as I can. I am someone who always has music in her head and moving on, I’ll be free enough to burst out in song whenever my heart yearns for it. I’ll write as many letters as I want to all the people I love. I’ll wear the odd shoes I love. Jump on my mattress in joy whenever I am bursting with it. And I will not restrain my affection anymore.

I too would love to try a new bottle of wine with someone who speaks the language of my heart, by a bonfire while dancing around the idea of stealing a first kiss. But I have learned now that my love doesn’t need a container. And until I find the one who speaks my heart’s language, I’ll be the container that fully holds my own love.